Dear Nephew
You grew up in Japan and I grew up in other parts of the world. I grew up in different societies where individualistic self-expression is far more valued than working with others and conforming to what everyone thinks. Nowadays I think the value is shifting in that direction in Japan also.
When I was your age, I felt that Japanese tea, chanoyu, symbolized everything that was suffocating about my Japanese identity. Wearing a kimono made me feel overly feminine, for example. Sharing tea with others under rules seemed silly and in conflict with my individualism, so I tried to stay as far away from these “traditions” as possible.
Now, 30 years later, I know that I was wrong. The Japanese Way of Tea is profound and revealing because it is actually an active exchange of independence and togetherness. Through Tea, I discovered that our true colors appear more clearly when we work with others. It sounds paradoxical but, ultimately, you can’t be a good guest or host in Tea if you’re not creative or individualistic. You have to become part of the sustaining whole, while staying individualistic.
So Thank you for your tea today. I will never forget this day.
I know that you may not be able to continue practicing, being a college student and learning the way of life, on top of all the opportunities and distractions that you encounter.
But you don’t ever have to quit. Go back in whenever you want to. The tearoom is always open to you.
May 2024
Kanazawa Ai
What a gift to your nephew! His body language tells me that he is careful, able to find a way to rest within activity (not his right hand … so peacefully resting, when it is usually the right hand that is prominent, busy, in charge, smarter, preferred, etc. Rather, it is waiting its “turn” to do its specific task. That moment of balance is something we learn in chanoyu. As Matsumoto Sensei would admonish us: “No shortcuts!”
Through chanoyu, we are trained to feel beauty in every moment. The body is tuned to the space, the heart / mind is tuned to the breath.
Thank you Lauren for your thoughtful comment. Through chanoyu, I learned that it is possible to respect others while asserting one’s own individuality and, in fact, it’s one’s creativity and individuality that lets us bond more strongly. I’m glad I got to receive the tea he made, and to have written this to him, even if he doesn’t come back to read this until many years later!